Friday, July 30, 2010

The size of hurt

Hurt has been on my mind or should I say in my heart a lot lately. I am sure everyone can relate, be it the loss of a loved one or a broken relationship.

I am a very visual person, I can’t remember the words of a song but the logo of the band I can redraw. Thus I try to visualize things in my life.

Having gone through something quite painful recently I was wondering what hurt would look like and if with time the size of hurt would change.

My amazing grandmother always told me in anything in life, wait three days…you will be amazed at the improvement. So, I waited three days and as she promised it didn’t hurt as much anymore. As the days passed the hurt seemed to shrink and become a small throbbing sore somewhere in the back of my consciousness, some days even sub consciousness.

But then, one memory or a dream brings the hurt in its full size to the front again and it feels like all progress has been lost.

I find its almost like that old favourite teddy bear that we all had. We put it away at some point. But nothing can erase the memories. And when we open that cupboard again and take it out it is the same size, smells the same and feels the same as it always did. And all the memories flood back.

So maybe a hurt is always there and doesn’t change in size. Maybe it is something that becomes a part of you. Something you always carry around with you. Some days it’s just further from your consciousness than others.

I am still new at the hurt thing, so if anyone has had another experience some advise will be appreciated…


  1. "We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality." Lucius Annaeus Seneca

    Ek dink ongelukkig le 'n mens se seer in onself, in our own imaginings and who we were/became for someone else. En dan sit jy alleen met jouself, met realitiet, met die vrees vir dit toekoms sonder hulle, sonder dele van jouself. Maar soos jy se, raak dit beter vriendin, dit moet. Elke drie dae xxx

  2. A painful experience never leaves us completely. However, every experience builds new and rich colours into our lives, blending eventually into a beautiful tapestry of wisdom and character. We have to find it in our hearts to forgive the person who caused the hurt to be able to experience real joy again. My advice: Forgive completely so that you can be free to live your life.

  3. Hurt is the opposite of Joy and happiness, without hurt we dont have the capacity to experience Joy.

    For every hurtful experience, the greater the joy there is to be had, once we let go of the hurt and open ourselves up to hope, forgivenes and love.

    Love, something that no poet, film director, musician nor artist has ever been able to capture is still one of lives greatest mysteries in all its complexities, however we know when we feel it, we sense its absence and we mourn its loss, and that is what hurt is.

    The mourning process, allowing you to let go and let live and love. You can never erase the death of a person or relationship but you can make peace with it and finally accept it, and eventually it will strink into the files of your subconscious that need not be reopened.

    You remember the feel, joy and comfort that your teddy bear brought you, but you no longer have use for it as you grow, you can look back at it as something that shaped you, but you no longer look to for comfort or joy. It does not make your teddy bear inadequate it just makes it a thing of the past albeit a significant.

  4. I am blown away, and a bit teary...all this advise helps a lot. It is good to hear from people who have come through it.

  5. The pain still sometimes physically takes my breath away. Hope healing comes soon.