"Here I am, where I ought to be" (Karen Blixen)...or not?!

Picture from the movie Out of Africa: Google Images

There has never been a lack of drama in my life. Whether this manifests itself in my extended family, my love life, the daily chaos of a life in Africa or even just in my head…I always have enough inspiration to write!

My recent holiday in SA provided me with enough stories to narrate a whole book, but I might upset the family, so let me just say I had a wonderful time! In between the visits to the dentist, doctors, hairdresser and beauty parlour I tried to see as many of my friends as possible. But it was physically impossible to get to everyone and to those that I missed on this epic South-African journey, there will be a next time…or there is always Zanzibar! Karibu Sana!

The last week was spent with the family in Kleinmond. On Christmas day we were 35 adults and 9 toddlers under the age of 5. That my dear friends was NOT even the whole family! And yes, we all stayed in one house! I am used to people unashamedly gaping at me when I mention the above statistics and facts, but by some miracle we manage to stay together in semi-peace and have a lovely time! Communal bathrooms, bread on order from Spar and an on-duty roster is the strange dynamics of my family holiday – madness but marvelous!

And now I find myself back in sandy and sweaty Dar es Salaam. While packing my things I was starting to look forward to coming back to my temporary home in East-Africa. But to be honest, it has been harder than I expected. I would suggest the intense homesickness is due to a lot of uncertainty in my life. I need to find a new job, a new house, buy a car, a computer…and all of this while I need to get used to the fact that there will be no more unexpected visits out of the bush from my hunter. That is a lot to digest at the beginning of 2010!

But a new year in its essence is about new beginnings. So maybe it is fitting that I put things into perspective again and ask myself – why am I here, what do I want to do here, am I still madly in love with the rhythm of Africa or am I longing for a settle way of life down south?

I am sitting under the magnificent flame tree in Desert Rose's garden and thinking about the above. I am not sure of the answers. At times I want to get a panic attack because I am not busy climbing the corporate ladder like the rest of my friends or settling down with children and a dog (never mind the absence of a husband!). And then I think of sunshine weekends on Bongoyo island, lazy Sundays at our secret beach or black nights in the African bush and maybe for now, in my 30^th year that is still enough?

Andizi